Carpe Diem?

It is currently 4 in the morn' and I am awake, but not by choice.
I was supposed to get up at 3 in order to type a paper and email it off, but I was just a bit tired that I needed the extra 45 minutes, now it's too late and I must pack, for I'm leaving on a plane bound for New Hampshire this morning. The Weather Channel says it's going to be in the 20's this week... I'm not sure I can handle it.

So, it's back to "familiar" things. Things of my past and things of my future? I imagine there will be much reflection this break. I'm about to be 22 and there is also something about this time of year that makes me think a lot. There was so much I had planned for my life at 22... and not much of it has happened. Other things did... great things and horrible things, but not most of what I've planned. I'm bound and determined not to let it get to me too much because I know that I have a Savior who altered my destination by His act of grace, therefore, I know my life is now going according to HIS plan. It is a comfort though to know that He is in control... my life would be a mess if I was. There is quite a freedom in that.

So, I'm still learning, in case you hadn't noticed. I desire to be teachable. I desire to be strong in character. I desire to be a blessing.
There is still so much I hope for, and honestly I don't think I'll ever know what's next... I just pray that I enjoy the ride rather than wish away the moment... I know I'm young, but the older I get, the more real it is to me how brief life is.
Well... "Carpe Diem", right?

So, It's Wednesday...

I'm sitting downtown again, but this time outside listening to the cars on a humid night, the first day of August to be exact. Not only do I hear the cars stop and go, but there's 60's and 70's funk music playing, which just so happens to make me crack a smile.

The summer will come to an end shortly, in a matter of days and as much as I thought I was, I'm not quite ready to go back. I've enjoyed this freedom a lot. Anyway, that's not really my point here, My point boils down to Christ...

I've been dead for quite sometime... maybe hibernating, if you will, and it just so happens that 2 weeks before I head back to school the LORD rekindles the flame in my heart and gives me a cup of overflowing joy. Now, one might think this is perfect, what better way to head back to school? But now I feel like I wasted my summer. It flew by and I never really lived it out to it's potential or took advantage of it's opportunities. I've been interning at my church since May, and just now am I bonding with the Youth. There are friends that I've just recently made, although they've been here for a year, and now... they're leaving for good. Honestly, I'm pretty sad about it. Sad about it all really...

This is no reflection on Christ, but rather on my lack of devotion to Him and those whom He's placed in my life. And yet, He blesses me. There has been so much I've learned at church this summer that leaves me craving more. I was sitting at my house Monday night thinking "Man, I wish there was something going on at church tomorrow!".... Me, love church? Yes, yes I do.

Something that hit me tonight as Rod Arters spoke was :
"Do not approach God because you can get something from Him, but rather, seek just to be near Him."
You'd think I would have been quick enough to figure this out BEFORE my Senior year of college, but someone asked me what I was most looking forward to this year and my answer: "To learn about the Bible". Imagine, just being near God... to sit at the feet of Christ. My heart grows bigger with excitement at the thought... I'm thankful that he moved my heart at all, that He continued to pursue me and show His love to me and that He gave me the opportunity at all to answer His call to me.

Desire to know Him. This is my hope and assurance.

Surrender

My hands hold safely to my dreams, clutching tightly, not one has fallen.
So many years, I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart, showing who I am. Now You're asking me to show what I'm holding oh-so-tightly.
Can't open my hands, can't let go. Does it matter? Should I show You?
"Can't you let me go?"

You say You have a plan for me and that You want the best for my life.
Told me the world had yet to see what You can do with one that's committed to Your call. I know of course what I should do... that I can't hold these dreams forever. If I give them now to You, will you take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

'Surrender, surrender', You whisper gently.
You say I will be free, I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me, my dreams are me...