Changes

I've been slightly overwhelmed the past week or so and today I hit the peak. I cried for the first time in a long time.. now, I know that may seem hard to believe, me..not cry? It's seems like an oxy-moron, but it's true. Okay, so maybe slightly was an understatement. As I was writing an email I think I realized why.

There are A LOT of changes going on for me in my life right now, and some may seem petty, but they're changes and sometimes I don't take too well to changes. It's weird to think back on how when I was a pre-teen/teenager and wondered what it would be like to be 18, to be 21.. and now I'm here. I'm a grown up, I'm an adult, and although I may not always act like it, the fact remains. I'm so scared to grow up. I just signed a lease on a house and paid my first rent check ever leaving 14$ in my bank account. I am living away from home for the first summer in 21 years, I'm going to be working part-time, if not full, in a ministry and I'll be mentoring girls. I'm going to be a senior next year and I'm trying to make ends meat just to keep my head above water. I'm scared of where I am now.

It's not that I'm worried about the outcomes of these things, it's not even that I'm worrying about how they'll work out. I'm not even worrying.. it's just scary to have such responsibility... it's scary to be doing all of this alone.
Although all of this is going through my head and makes me want to hide under a rock somewhere, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. When I think I've hit rock bottom, He lifts me up. When I think there's no way for improvement, He makes it better. I'm going to need Him more than ever this summer... and through all the fear and anxiety, I'm excited to see Him move.

Circles

It seems again, my call is to wait. It seems to be all that I do...
Wait for tomorrow...
Wait for summer...
Wait on God...
Wait for something more...

I've become tired again, I think.

My friends have been so patient.

I've continued to lose mine.

Denouement

"It doesn't have to be perfect like a movie scene"... it just has to happen.

One can't be afraid...

"Love is almost always accidental" (according to Baumer).

My heart is hopeful... for reasons unexplainable.

The Weekend.

This is just something to hold me over until I actually have TIME to write something...

The stirring within

I want to be questioned

but I try not to think.

Trying to pretend

so scared to get hurt,

be let down once again.

I give You my mind, LORD.

I give You my heart...

I want to feel, but I don't at all.

Let me feel You, LORD

to be consumed from within.