Lonely Moon

Sometimes when I look at the moon, I can't help but notice how lonely it looks and wonder, if it had feelings, is that how it would feel?

As I get older and the holiday season rolls around, it seems a bit more noticeable. John Mayer says in his song, St. Patrick's Day, "No one likes to be alone at Christmas time"... John-boy was on to something.

I guess I chalk it up to the fact that I don't feel like either place, (NH or SC), is really "home". I don't "belong" in NH anymore and SC will only be where I'm at for another 2 years... then what? One day, just maybe, a travel companion will be provided. ;)

It seems most of my friends are entering relationships. It's been slightly difficult to watch and has possibly added to my confusion in a significant way. As I was processing just last week, a friend said to me, "If they were or are the right person, wouldn't there be more clarity?" She's right I think... Wouldn't I know? If so, there is nothing now. There is no clarity and I'm left to "Expect the worst and Hope for the Best."

It's not always the best or most fun place to be...

Surrender

My hands hold safely to my dreams, clutching tightly, not one has fallen.
So many years, I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart, showing who I am. Now You're asking me to show what I'm holding oh-so-tightly.
Can't open my hands, can't let go. Does it matter? Should I show You?
"Can't you let me go?"

You say You have a plan for me and that You want the best for my life.
Told me the world had yet to see what You can do with one that's committed to Your call. I know of course what I should do... that I can't hold these dreams forever. If I give them now to You, will you take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

'Surrender, surrender', You whisper gently.
You say I will be free, I know, but can't You see?
My dreams are me, my dreams are me...

Winds and Waves

The Lord boggles my mind, not just sometimes, but most of it.

I gave a lecture on Mark 4:35-41 on the promises of God and how Christ calmed the storm on the Sea of Galilee. There are so many truths in that one passage. I'm not "exactly" in a storm right now, not at all like I've been in before, but these times have been a struggle. If you define "storm" as a time where you are fearful and/or insecure, then maybe it is a storm, but it isn't one where I feel my world is crashing in, just like the disciples may have amongst the waves.

In verse 35, Christ implies the promise and security of making it to the other side of the sea, just before the storm. The disciples should have responded in a calm manner when it hit, but rather they lacked faith and questioned Christ. In verses 39-41, as Christ calms the storm, His sovereign power is shown. This is the same powerful God that I have made master of my life. Yet, I act as the disciples did. I question God. I wonder what to make of His will, I wonder what to make of His timing and I wonder why I'm at where I am: not completely satisfied?

I've seen Him bring me through the biggest storm of my 21 years of life. I've read scripture and prayed prayers that secured the promises He gives... yet, I still think things to be too impossible for Him. Philippians 4:19 says "and My God will supply all your needs according to HIS riches in glory in Christ Jesus." I think I need so much, when in actuality, I don't need any of this.

Lord,
Make me satisfied in You first and foremost. Fix my heart on the throne of Your eternal Kingdom. Show me where I need to be....
-Amen

Facade

There are no words to describe what is in my head, what is in my heart. I'm sore from all the cartwheels I've done. Seemingly, there is a tree up close and the forest cannot be seen. I talk as if I want to be figured out, but if I were it would do nothing but break what little has been built. My time is spent pondering what is real and what isn't. I know I can't keep a grip any longer, for then surely, it will be taken away. That is the least of my desires.
Heart, be silent... Mind, be still... Soul, wait.

The Icing On The Cake

I lost my job today...

I was told by the Dean that due to a lack of finances, my postition as Administrative Assistant of the FACE Dept. has been cut, therefore, I've been laid off...

Please pray for me as you think of it... That I would be stress-less, that I would remain faithful & trusting, that I would learn what the LORD has to teach me and that the LORD would provide something else soon.

Thanks...