I've done it again, I've given in to the very sin that breaks your heart.
Now I return, fix my eyes on You.
That's not who I am, that's not who I am in You.
You say that I'm Your child. You love me with a love that I'll never comprehend.
Lord, I give to you all I am, in Holy Surrender.
Jesus take my life and make it yours.
Turn Your ear to me, draw near to me, hold me Lord when I am in need.
In all that I do, in all my life, I will honor You.
I am a child of weakness, my stength is small. I will turn to You where I will find my all.
Holy Spirit, rise up in me.
Flood over us, Holy Spirit rain down. Let Your Glory surround this.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Finding Strength in My Weakness
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him and his hand." Psalm 37: 23-24
There has been so much scripture that I have found to apply to how I've been feeling, how I've been seeming to fail, although they all have been encouraging, this one is the most to me.
I truly want to walk in the Lord's ways. He is the only thing that I want to focus on and follow. In Matthew 7:24-25 it talks about building a house on the rock of firm foundation. The house is able to weather every storm brought its way, because it was continuously standing on the rock. With the rock as a foundation, it is not able to be torn down.
I want to be the house that is built on the foundation of solid ground. I want everything I have and want to be built on the foundation of the Lord, whom is my personal rock. I do not want to do anything that would weaken that.
It has been hard for me to deal with me feeling like a failure. This is especially hard when I know how my true heart is, what I really want in the long run, and then I go and become weak to temptation. I have been overestimating my own strength and underestimating God's. That hurts so much. Seeing how hurt I am myself, I can't even begin to imagine how much I am hurting God when I become weak, or even how I'm hurting others in my weakness. As much as it doesn't seem to be even close to enough, I am so sorry, from the deepest part of my soul.
I am so unworthy of all the blessing that God has been giving me. Even in this time of hardship, He is giving me blessings, answering my prayers. He has been giving me strength when this has been a VERY trying day. I pray so hard that God, You will sustain me through every trial I face and You will continually make me conscious of the way out You have provided.
Seeing the blessing that He has given me through this horrible day I keep remembering the great blessings He has given me when I've been obedient. That is what I want, not because I would be receiving something, but I want to be obedient to God, I want to please Him and make Him proud of me.
As obvious as it is that I am weak, I am trying and will be trying with all that I am to be so obedient and strong. I want the bigger picture and greatness more than anything. I want to be pleasing to God, I want to honor Him. All this stuff that has been going on isn't worth giving the big picture up and as hard as I will struggle, I will do all that I can to prove that I can handle this and that I want to follow God's will and be pleasing to Him more than anything. I can't do this on my own. It is only through the power of Christ that I am able to.
So, I am putting this behind me. I am moving on and taking the next step that God has placed in front of me, so that I may go where He wants me to be. He will be my focus in it all. That is my true heart's desire.
There has been so much scripture that I have found to apply to how I've been feeling, how I've been seeming to fail, although they all have been encouraging, this one is the most to me.
I truly want to walk in the Lord's ways. He is the only thing that I want to focus on and follow. In Matthew 7:24-25 it talks about building a house on the rock of firm foundation. The house is able to weather every storm brought its way, because it was continuously standing on the rock. With the rock as a foundation, it is not able to be torn down.
I want to be the house that is built on the foundation of solid ground. I want everything I have and want to be built on the foundation of the Lord, whom is my personal rock. I do not want to do anything that would weaken that.
It has been hard for me to deal with me feeling like a failure. This is especially hard when I know how my true heart is, what I really want in the long run, and then I go and become weak to temptation. I have been overestimating my own strength and underestimating God's. That hurts so much. Seeing how hurt I am myself, I can't even begin to imagine how much I am hurting God when I become weak, or even how I'm hurting others in my weakness. As much as it doesn't seem to be even close to enough, I am so sorry, from the deepest part of my soul.
I am so unworthy of all the blessing that God has been giving me. Even in this time of hardship, He is giving me blessings, answering my prayers. He has been giving me strength when this has been a VERY trying day. I pray so hard that God, You will sustain me through every trial I face and You will continually make me conscious of the way out You have provided.
Seeing the blessing that He has given me through this horrible day I keep remembering the great blessings He has given me when I've been obedient. That is what I want, not because I would be receiving something, but I want to be obedient to God, I want to please Him and make Him proud of me.
As obvious as it is that I am weak, I am trying and will be trying with all that I am to be so obedient and strong. I want the bigger picture and greatness more than anything. I want to be pleasing to God, I want to honor Him. All this stuff that has been going on isn't worth giving the big picture up and as hard as I will struggle, I will do all that I can to prove that I can handle this and that I want to follow God's will and be pleasing to Him more than anything. I can't do this on my own. It is only through the power of Christ that I am able to.
So, I am putting this behind me. I am moving on and taking the next step that God has placed in front of me, so that I may go where He wants me to be. He will be my focus in it all. That is my true heart's desire.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Emotional Circles
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust.'" Psalm 91:1-2
Today has been an up and down sort of day...I don't like these kind..No, not at all
I haven't exactly been feeling like I did in my last blog post, but after thinking things through, I realized that I need to turn to that and remind myself when I feel like this, because this is not how God has meant for me to feel forever. It will pass
I had a great quiet time not too long ago. It felt so good to spill everything to God. I haven't done that in awhile. It was nice to feel that I could be completely honest with Him. That releases a lot. I feel like I've handed Him my troubles and even though I have moments of despair, He will bring me through in the end.
Although I don't feel amazing, I feel refreshed and this verse helped me. It seems that I'm starting to go on a downslide when it comes to trusting, again. I'm so scared sometimes. So scared that what I want to happen wont, so scared that I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life, so scared that I'll be alone... I don't want to be alone.
But then I read this verse, and many others like it, where it says that God will take care of me, I have no reason whatsoever to doubt Him, to not trust Him. In my own life, looking back on the past, I find that to be true. Every single time I have worried, He has given me the passions of my heart, even when I was so unworthy and so untrusting...What makes me think He would stop doing that now if its His will?
I guess the best thing is that even after every time I get down, after every time I doubt, I always come back to think that: yes, this is God's will, I truly believe it.
And if I truly believe that He is the Almighty Lord that I gave my life to, I need to believe that as hard as it may seem to see, He will most definitely get His will accomplished. How amazing is He?
There is a light at the end of this narrow, dark tunnel.
I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust.'" Psalm 91:1-2
Today has been an up and down sort of day...I don't like these kind..No, not at all
I haven't exactly been feeling like I did in my last blog post, but after thinking things through, I realized that I need to turn to that and remind myself when I feel like this, because this is not how God has meant for me to feel forever. It will pass
I had a great quiet time not too long ago. It felt so good to spill everything to God. I haven't done that in awhile. It was nice to feel that I could be completely honest with Him. That releases a lot. I feel like I've handed Him my troubles and even though I have moments of despair, He will bring me through in the end.
Although I don't feel amazing, I feel refreshed and this verse helped me. It seems that I'm starting to go on a downslide when it comes to trusting, again. I'm so scared sometimes. So scared that what I want to happen wont, so scared that I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life, so scared that I'll be alone... I don't want to be alone.
But then I read this verse, and many others like it, where it says that God will take care of me, I have no reason whatsoever to doubt Him, to not trust Him. In my own life, looking back on the past, I find that to be true. Every single time I have worried, He has given me the passions of my heart, even when I was so unworthy and so untrusting...What makes me think He would stop doing that now if its His will?
I guess the best thing is that even after every time I get down, after every time I doubt, I always come back to think that: yes, this is God's will, I truly believe it.
And if I truly believe that He is the Almighty Lord that I gave my life to, I need to believe that as hard as it may seem to see, He will most definitely get His will accomplished. How amazing is He?
There is a light at the end of this narrow, dark tunnel.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Pulling Through
"Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs-he wants to please his commanding officer." 2Timothy 2:3-4
In this passage, Paul is writing to Timothy and is telling him that yes, he will suffer and be persecuted for his faith in Christ Jesus, but we need to take up our suffering and continue to offer it to God. We need to not try and please others, but we want to please our Headmaster at all times, and that is God Almighty.
Ya know, I've been handed quite a lot of hardship over the past 3 months, and it has been rough. Its been emotionally draining. There have been times when I just wanted to give up. This weekend was another one of those times.
I hate when I get like that. I start to question EVERYTHING all the time...I over-analyze junk, read into things that aren't even there, and I end up driving myself even more crazy and hurting those I love...But I am so thankful that God has been working in me, cuz it could be a lot worse...
I have dealt with this so much better this past weekend, than I have in the past. I'm glad for that. I had an appointment today and that helped me to re-focus on what I need to work in in myself, and it showed me how much progress is being made.
I need to not put myself into the middle of things and confuse others...I need to not put people into the position where they feel they would have to stretch themselves into two directions. That just isn't fair, and it isn't my place.
So anyway, back to my point of this passage and how I am applying it to myself....
Yes, there are times of suffering, times when I want to give up and if this were a couple of months ago, I may have done just that, but God is teaching me so much, and he's helped me to stop and think before I make hasty decisions. He has shown me that I need to trust him, that He has brought me through all of this and this far for a reason. It would be stupid for me to give up. I would be selling my self short of the ultimate glory and blessing that He will get and I will receive at the end of this.
He's showing me that yes, as horrible as I am, He still loves me and loves to bless me. He will carry me through and be my rock when times get tough. He won't EVER give me anything that I won't be able to pull out of....These times are just a small test so that I can become stronger and a better servant for Him....
Man, I love knowing that everything is going to be so amazing!!
In this passage, Paul is writing to Timothy and is telling him that yes, he will suffer and be persecuted for his faith in Christ Jesus, but we need to take up our suffering and continue to offer it to God. We need to not try and please others, but we want to please our Headmaster at all times, and that is God Almighty.
Ya know, I've been handed quite a lot of hardship over the past 3 months, and it has been rough. Its been emotionally draining. There have been times when I just wanted to give up. This weekend was another one of those times.
I hate when I get like that. I start to question EVERYTHING all the time...I over-analyze junk, read into things that aren't even there, and I end up driving myself even more crazy and hurting those I love...But I am so thankful that God has been working in me, cuz it could be a lot worse...
I have dealt with this so much better this past weekend, than I have in the past. I'm glad for that. I had an appointment today and that helped me to re-focus on what I need to work in in myself, and it showed me how much progress is being made.
I need to not put myself into the middle of things and confuse others...I need to not put people into the position where they feel they would have to stretch themselves into two directions. That just isn't fair, and it isn't my place.
So anyway, back to my point of this passage and how I am applying it to myself....
Yes, there are times of suffering, times when I want to give up and if this were a couple of months ago, I may have done just that, but God is teaching me so much, and he's helped me to stop and think before I make hasty decisions. He has shown me that I need to trust him, that He has brought me through all of this and this far for a reason. It would be stupid for me to give up. I would be selling my self short of the ultimate glory and blessing that He will get and I will receive at the end of this.
He's showing me that yes, as horrible as I am, He still loves me and loves to bless me. He will carry me through and be my rock when times get tough. He won't EVER give me anything that I won't be able to pull out of....These times are just a small test so that I can become stronger and a better servant for Him....
Man, I love knowing that everything is going to be so amazing!!
Friday, March 04, 2005
Trying this out....
So, trying this whole blog thing here.....I like this place better than the other place...anyway..
Been thinking a lot today, it was a rough day, but it was different. Things were presented to me, and it hurt to know them, but I knew it was right and I saw and see where I need to change. Even though it hurt, I knew that everything would be okay. It helped a lot to pray about it. Just asking God what I need to do, to show me what needs to happen....
Thats the thing, I have no idea how to do this. I want to fix everything so bad, I want to move on with my life and be happy, but I have no freakin' clue whatsoever about where to start or how to fix things.
I guess that is where I need to step out and let God take over, let him work out the details. Today in Chapel, Dr. Beyer was talking about just that, trying to figure out what God's plan for us, but sometimes we get so overwhelmed because of that lack of details...But what I need to do, (which I have been learning about too), is that I need to give up control and let God be the pilot.
I really want this to be fixed, and in all honesty, yes part of it is to please people, but most of all, I just want everything right, and I want everything to be pleasing in God's eyes.
He is teaching me so much and I am so thankful that He loves me this much to point out where I need work. I can't say how amazing He is and how much He has blessed me, even in these hard times.
So, anyway, that was my venting for today, I know its not much, but I'm exausted and I need to get some sleep...busy/draining weekend ahead :(
Pray for me please!!
Been thinking a lot today, it was a rough day, but it was different. Things were presented to me, and it hurt to know them, but I knew it was right and I saw and see where I need to change. Even though it hurt, I knew that everything would be okay. It helped a lot to pray about it. Just asking God what I need to do, to show me what needs to happen....
Thats the thing, I have no idea how to do this. I want to fix everything so bad, I want to move on with my life and be happy, but I have no freakin' clue whatsoever about where to start or how to fix things.
I guess that is where I need to step out and let God take over, let him work out the details. Today in Chapel, Dr. Beyer was talking about just that, trying to figure out what God's plan for us, but sometimes we get so overwhelmed because of that lack of details...But what I need to do, (which I have been learning about too), is that I need to give up control and let God be the pilot.
I really want this to be fixed, and in all honesty, yes part of it is to please people, but most of all, I just want everything right, and I want everything to be pleasing in God's eyes.
He is teaching me so much and I am so thankful that He loves me this much to point out where I need work. I can't say how amazing He is and how much He has blessed me, even in these hard times.
So, anyway, that was my venting for today, I know its not much, but I'm exausted and I need to get some sleep...busy/draining weekend ahead :(
Pray for me please!!
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