"The Beauty of Grace is that it Makes Life Not Fair" -Matthew Thiessen
How true is that?? I'm so thankful that God's Grace makes life unfair. We deserve a whole lot more than what we're getting...and I don't mean good stuff. He's definitely not withholding anything good from us, He's withholding all the bad. Thank You Father.
Today I learned the true meaning of the phrase "Love is Blind". Well, I guess I knew it, but I never fully lived out the phrase... now I have.
Love isn't only blind to the characteristics of the person you love, but I realized that it blinds you to thinking certain circumstances would fade out and go away over time....but the way this whole thing is disfunctionally wired up, there is no way those things would ever go away and I can't believe that I let love blind me so completely to that.
If I actually sit down and think about those things now, because I'm not blinded anymore, its complete idiocy. Completely foolish. What the heck was I thinking?? Atleast now, I know for sure that I was in love...
Its just nuts to me when I think about it now. To think I was so blinded, blinded enough to go through 10 people's share of pain and now I see how I could have completely avoided it. I was so naive to think those things would fade out...
Silly Me...
Lord, thank You for unveiling my eyes...
Monday, May 30, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
Oh Inconsistent Me
I want to run away, I want to ditch my life cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night...
You might think I'm losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics cause I dont want you to know where I am because then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
I'm sorry it's taking me so long to change
Cause who I am hates who I've been.. I hate who I've been.
I talk to absolutely no one, couldn't keep to myself enough & the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure.
If my heart says I'm sorry, can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end.
I wonder why it always has to hurt for every lesson that you have to learn...
You might think I'm losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics cause I dont want you to know where I am because then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been
This is no place to try and live my life.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm ready to make sure I never become that way again
I'm sorry it's taking me so long to change
Cause who I am hates who I've been.. I hate who I've been.
I talk to absolutely no one, couldn't keep to myself enough & the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure.
If my heart says I'm sorry, can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end.
I wonder why it always has to hurt for every lesson that you have to learn...
Friday, May 06, 2005
Replacing Faults with Grace
" ..Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2
I am so thankful that God wants to show me His will. Sometimes I forget that He has a plan for me. I forget that I'm not just existing here, I'm here for a reason. When I do remember, I get excited knowing that I can look forward to what is laid in the path ahead of me. Even though I have no clue what it is, except that it is what is best for me.
I used to believe I knew what God's will for me was. Now, I'm not so sure. It's not that I doubt it, because I still hope for what I once believed. But I think because of things that have happened, God doesn't want me to know for sure anymore, because then I will cling to it so tight and not cling to Him.
It's hard sometimes having to second guess everything I once believed, especially when I don't want to. But that is a huge part in taking the steps toward trusting God. If you knew me, you'd be amazed at how much I have let go of worrying of details. Yes, every once in awhile stuff will pop up so that I may worry, but I am able to identify it now and stop it before it builds up into something where I work my self up for nothing, or something that is so ridiculous it means nothing in the big scheme of things. I think I'm even beginning to amaze myself! (riight)
I'm grateful that I am able to take more things as out of love rather than stabs or attacks. I have been praying that God would grant me discernment and would reveal my faults and areas that need working on and that is exactly what He has been doing.
God has been using people to reveal my faults to me also. I am so thankful that He is using someone I value immensely to help in the process of getting me healthy. He has used this person to help pull the bad stuff out of me and put it in front of my face. They are things I never would have seen before. When they help me see those things and I realize it is out of love, I think of it and then get excited, because that is another area that I see God wanting me to remove from me and fill that space with Himself! How cool is my God?
Majesty,
You are amazing and I am so thankful that you have saved me from my sins. That you have not given up on me and are willing to show me how to be more like You. Thank You for being a God of another chance, not just a second chance. Thank for placing people in my life who can help reflect a portion of Your great love for me. I pray that I am able to reveal the same. Thankyou that You are all that I need and with You, I never have to worry.
~Amen
I am so thankful that God wants to show me His will. Sometimes I forget that He has a plan for me. I forget that I'm not just existing here, I'm here for a reason. When I do remember, I get excited knowing that I can look forward to what is laid in the path ahead of me. Even though I have no clue what it is, except that it is what is best for me.
I used to believe I knew what God's will for me was. Now, I'm not so sure. It's not that I doubt it, because I still hope for what I once believed. But I think because of things that have happened, God doesn't want me to know for sure anymore, because then I will cling to it so tight and not cling to Him.
It's hard sometimes having to second guess everything I once believed, especially when I don't want to. But that is a huge part in taking the steps toward trusting God. If you knew me, you'd be amazed at how much I have let go of worrying of details. Yes, every once in awhile stuff will pop up so that I may worry, but I am able to identify it now and stop it before it builds up into something where I work my self up for nothing, or something that is so ridiculous it means nothing in the big scheme of things. I think I'm even beginning to amaze myself! (riight)
I'm grateful that I am able to take more things as out of love rather than stabs or attacks. I have been praying that God would grant me discernment and would reveal my faults and areas that need working on and that is exactly what He has been doing.
God has been using people to reveal my faults to me also. I am so thankful that He is using someone I value immensely to help in the process of getting me healthy. He has used this person to help pull the bad stuff out of me and put it in front of my face. They are things I never would have seen before. When they help me see those things and I realize it is out of love, I think of it and then get excited, because that is another area that I see God wanting me to remove from me and fill that space with Himself! How cool is my God?
Majesty,
You are amazing and I am so thankful that you have saved me from my sins. That you have not given up on me and are willing to show me how to be more like You. Thank You for being a God of another chance, not just a second chance. Thank for placing people in my life who can help reflect a portion of Your great love for me. I pray that I am able to reveal the same. Thankyou that You are all that I need and with You, I never have to worry.
~Amen
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