"Into marvelous Light I'm running. Out of darkness, out of shame..." -Passion
Dang...Long trip ehy? My body is completely retarded at the moment...not reacting too well, but I hope I get out of that..I have a feeling I'm going to get really sick soon...
Got some stuff settled, but will finish most tomorrow hopefully..Still need some stuff that isn't exactly accessible at the moment..So patiently I wait...
The Lord is so good to me its nuts...He blesses me beyond measure with my finances that I was freaking out about..No worries now..He gets me here safely and my car is doing great, (oil change soon)...He keeps me strong when shots are fired and allows me to disregard immediately...Shows me how great my friends are and who actually cares about me, not only with words, but also with actions...Then He gave me this evening where as I was feeling so absolutely weak, I was able to go and praise Him in ways that I haven't been able to in a long time.
Heard a great lesson that I really am going to apply to my quiet times, classes, sermon listening and it could even be applied to relationships...James 1:21-22. Very good, good standards to hold things to. I was going to leave just after that and go to my room, but I (MYSELF) decided "Hmm, I think that can wait, and I should make time for Jesus.."..Therefore, I did and went to worship Him more...what a great day/night!!
I've been here less than 24 hours and the Lord has already blessed me so much, but also I have already found my passion and goal for this semester (for I'm trying to take it day to day)...My heart cries out to make this my focus...
I want to fall Madly In Love with Christ!
no matter what earthly things may occur to distract me...If this is my focus, all those things will become "strangely dim".
Great semester ahead of me :)
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Where'd The Time Go?
"You can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table." -Anna Nalick
It's been 3 months to the day that I lost my best friend...and a large portion of my heart...
Judging by today...I believe they've been lost forever
But that's okay, God has a plan... and there's no peaking behind the curtains
The end will justify it all.
It's been 3 months to the day that I lost my best friend...and a large portion of my heart...
Judging by today...I believe they've been lost forever
But that's okay, God has a plan... and there's no peaking behind the curtains
The end will justify it all.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Wake Up and Smell the Coffee
"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you..." -Ephesians 2:18
Words of wisdom that I've been contemplating for days from the great Matthew Thiessen:
"...fall back on all of your premonitions and just learn to listen to those that have more wisdom than you. And just stop putting so much stock in all of this stuff...Live your life for those that you love."
As I was really thinking about these words, it finally hit me...why the heck would I let someone dictate my emotions when they aren't even involved in my life and apparently have chosen not to be a part of it later on? Why am I putting stock in this, it is clear that I should not... There is no need for me to be feeling like junk...look around me!...How many times has God blessed me this week when I've been acting like a wiener? Quite a few... What the heck? Why is my God so good to me? He continued to do this after I "woke up"...
I got home and read some things that wonderful people in my life wrote to me, such as...
"You are an overcomer Aubrey Morgan Bond...You have to remember what God has said about you through His word. You have to walk in His truth. Don't worry about your situation, just believe that God will fight this battle, and do trust, because He will win. "
also someone else..."I LOVE YOU!!!! I love you're precious spirit, your openness and vulnerability, your faith, your preserverance. you amaze me...don't "suck it up". it's so admirable that you are real. keep on being real -- with yourself, with God, with others. don't torture yourself and let junk build up until you explode. i don't want to see you explode. (Aubrey insides all over the place...not quite as pleasant as Aubrey outsides : ) ) "
This was great to hear...and helped to give me the strength I've needed for sometime. My visions and priorities have once again been altered, but in the best of ways...I know now the goals I need to have for myself, the goals I have for this year, the goals I want to achieve with God and the goals I have for my growth. I sat and talked with a friend for over an hour on the phone last night and it was so good to talk, its been sometime...and for the first time I ACTUALLY wanted to come back to school. It doesn't feel like an obligation anymore. I am so grateful! They helped me to remember the good times that I so easily forgot and gave me more to look forward to! Many nights of Fort BestFort Ever to come!
So things will not at all be how they were, just a heads up...I need to remind myself too...Some aren't going to know what hit them. Its really sad that some things have begun to harden my heart again and in all honesty, I can't find any kind words that I would be able to say if I were to see them in passing...but since this "revelation", I've had a better outlook on it..Its just really time for a change...
This may sound weird, but in all honesty, I'm excited about all of my pain: past, present and future...I'm excited for the woman that God is molding me into...I am SO looking forward to the day when God will receive the ULTIMATE glory out of all of this!! I realized that today...I just so want to be able to praise and worship and praise and worship...I'm so excited for it...but I so quickly forget that its probably most important to praise and worship in the down times...that to me shows more dedication and obedience...As I said before, that although I've been acting like a wiener this week, He's given me more than what I've asked for...What will He do when I'm acting like I should?? Hmmm....
I've realized that if I didn't get myself together, I would watch me fall apart all over and I can't let that happen again...That's no way to live my life. An even newer one starts at this very moment..whether anyone believes me or not.
My mind is now set on Philippians 4:8.." Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
Something tells me, this is going to make sense..something tells me its going to take patience...This will all work out in the end...Things are going to be great!
Words of wisdom that I've been contemplating for days from the great Matthew Thiessen:
"...fall back on all of your premonitions and just learn to listen to those that have more wisdom than you. And just stop putting so much stock in all of this stuff...Live your life for those that you love."
As I was really thinking about these words, it finally hit me...why the heck would I let someone dictate my emotions when they aren't even involved in my life and apparently have chosen not to be a part of it later on? Why am I putting stock in this, it is clear that I should not... There is no need for me to be feeling like junk...look around me!...How many times has God blessed me this week when I've been acting like a wiener? Quite a few... What the heck? Why is my God so good to me? He continued to do this after I "woke up"...
I got home and read some things that wonderful people in my life wrote to me, such as...
"You are an overcomer Aubrey Morgan Bond...You have to remember what God has said about you through His word. You have to walk in His truth. Don't worry about your situation, just believe that God will fight this battle, and do trust, because He will win. "
also someone else..."I LOVE YOU!!!! I love you're precious spirit, your openness and vulnerability, your faith, your preserverance. you amaze me...don't "suck it up". it's so admirable that you are real. keep on being real -- with yourself, with God, with others. don't torture yourself and let junk build up until you explode. i don't want to see you explode. (Aubrey insides all over the place...not quite as pleasant as Aubrey outsides : ) ) "
This was great to hear...and helped to give me the strength I've needed for sometime. My visions and priorities have once again been altered, but in the best of ways...I know now the goals I need to have for myself, the goals I have for this year, the goals I want to achieve with God and the goals I have for my growth. I sat and talked with a friend for over an hour on the phone last night and it was so good to talk, its been sometime...and for the first time I ACTUALLY wanted to come back to school. It doesn't feel like an obligation anymore. I am so grateful! They helped me to remember the good times that I so easily forgot and gave me more to look forward to! Many nights of Fort BestFort Ever to come!
So things will not at all be how they were, just a heads up...I need to remind myself too...Some aren't going to know what hit them. Its really sad that some things have begun to harden my heart again and in all honesty, I can't find any kind words that I would be able to say if I were to see them in passing...but since this "revelation", I've had a better outlook on it..Its just really time for a change...
This may sound weird, but in all honesty, I'm excited about all of my pain: past, present and future...I'm excited for the woman that God is molding me into...I am SO looking forward to the day when God will receive the ULTIMATE glory out of all of this!! I realized that today...I just so want to be able to praise and worship and praise and worship...I'm so excited for it...but I so quickly forget that its probably most important to praise and worship in the down times...that to me shows more dedication and obedience...As I said before, that although I've been acting like a wiener this week, He's given me more than what I've asked for...What will He do when I'm acting like I should?? Hmmm....
I've realized that if I didn't get myself together, I would watch me fall apart all over and I can't let that happen again...That's no way to live my life. An even newer one starts at this very moment..whether anyone believes me or not.
My mind is now set on Philippians 4:8.." Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things."
Something tells me, this is going to make sense..something tells me its going to take patience...This will all work out in the end...Things are going to be great!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Momentary Lapse
"When everything inside me looks like everything I hate, You are the hope I have for change. You are the only chance I'll take..." -Switchfoot
So I tried to put on this icon, but it wouldn't work, like everything else in my flippin' life...
DANG IT!!
I'm also freaking out, cuz this is my last paycheck before I go back to school, but I have less money than I thought and I don't know if I'm going to be able to have enough to make it to school and also buy books and live off of it until the end of September and pay my bills also...FOR THE LOVE!...I'm so stressed about going back, at times I don't want to...I just want things to be better and I don't want things to be like they were last semester..I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!!...I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery...I don't need the stress...I just don't need to have my faults pointed out all the time, I know I made mistakes and I've done horrible things, but I don't need to feel everyday that I'm a horrible person and a failure..I'm trying so hard and it hurts so much to not be encouraged or comforted, especially by those you care most for...Crying seems to help...
...okay...I'm done with my self-pitty party..back to sucking it up, having a backbone and moving on with life...yes, good good...My heart is back to stone and no more tears will be shed, or atleast be mentioned of...I will try my hardest not show that weakness anymore...I know this will pass after a few days..it always does around this time of month and then I'll be back to my happy self again..Time to be grown up...yes yes, on with life I go...
Lord, lead the way and keep my focus directly and entirely on you...help me to focus on my studies and to be a woman of my word and a child of the Light...no distractions please. I don't want to hinder anyone either, build up your strength within me, for I can not rely on my own. Ease my worries I pray and help me to catch glimpses of the big picture and remember that I can not see it all, but You can!
I feel better already :D
So I tried to put on this icon, but it wouldn't work, like everything else in my flippin' life...
DANG IT!!
I'm also freaking out, cuz this is my last paycheck before I go back to school, but I have less money than I thought and I don't know if I'm going to be able to have enough to make it to school and also buy books and live off of it until the end of September and pay my bills also...FOR THE LOVE!...I'm so stressed about going back, at times I don't want to...I just want things to be better and I don't want things to be like they were last semester..I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!!...I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery...I don't need the stress...I just don't need to have my faults pointed out all the time, I know I made mistakes and I've done horrible things, but I don't need to feel everyday that I'm a horrible person and a failure..I'm trying so hard and it hurts so much to not be encouraged or comforted, especially by those you care most for...Crying seems to help...
...okay...I'm done with my self-pitty party..back to sucking it up, having a backbone and moving on with life...yes, good good...My heart is back to stone and no more tears will be shed, or atleast be mentioned of...I will try my hardest not show that weakness anymore...I know this will pass after a few days..it always does around this time of month and then I'll be back to my happy self again..Time to be grown up...yes yes, on with life I go...
Lord, lead the way and keep my focus directly and entirely on you...help me to focus on my studies and to be a woman of my word and a child of the Light...no distractions please. I don't want to hinder anyone either, build up your strength within me, for I can not rely on my own. Ease my worries I pray and help me to catch glimpses of the big picture and remember that I can not see it all, but You can!
I feel better already :D
Friday, August 12, 2005
Breaking Away
"I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change And break away."
-Kelly Clarkson
This is what I am going to do :)
I'm leaving tomorrow to go to my favorite spot on this earth! ...Nubble Lighthouse. I'm staying in a nice B&B and am going to spend my time consumed in God. This is the plan atleast...
After tonight, I definitely have some stuff to bring to the table...I do not fear though. I know that someone I care for is upset and my heart litterally hurts. I think once they calm down, they will realize nothing was meant to hurt anyone. I have nothing to hide and never did. All I am trying to be is honest and that's what I will continue to be.
But my talk with his parents went fairly well I guess. Its great to receive such warmth and love from his father, but hurts so when I feel like I'm sitting in a blizzard with his mother. This will pass I know. But there is much to think about. I realize that he has left a lot of people in the dark and I saw a new step of how to improve my character and how to make it so that there is no room to ever question my integrity. This is good..this will be good. We'll see this when the steam has drifted.
I really didn't think that I was doing wrong...I intended to protect him and just trusted that I could do this...trying to be independent from him...He's right, I always start out with the purest of motives but for some reason they always come back and bite me in the butt....Lord, show me the way, for crying out loud, I can't take anymore...
Things were going so good between us, I mean we've only talked a couple of times, but things were great...and then this happened...We wont be speaking for a long time...and thats fine, I mean, we haven't talked all summer, so I know I can do this, but it just sucks cuz we really were doing great and I felt like this was really going somewhere....Maybe God is trying to tell me something? ...This weekend will tell I'm sure.
Well, I'm off to pack and rest before I leave tomorrow. I'm not as excited as I was...But I can just add this situation into the others... as if this whole summer and growth were the ingredients to make and mix the cement and tomorrow will be the permanent laying down of the foundation that everything in my life will be built upon!!
Who wouldn't be excited about that? Keep my in prayer, as I will keep you in mine...
-Kelly Clarkson
This is what I am going to do :)
I'm leaving tomorrow to go to my favorite spot on this earth! ...Nubble Lighthouse. I'm staying in a nice B&B and am going to spend my time consumed in God. This is the plan atleast...
After tonight, I definitely have some stuff to bring to the table...I do not fear though. I know that someone I care for is upset and my heart litterally hurts. I think once they calm down, they will realize nothing was meant to hurt anyone. I have nothing to hide and never did. All I am trying to be is honest and that's what I will continue to be.
But my talk with his parents went fairly well I guess. Its great to receive such warmth and love from his father, but hurts so when I feel like I'm sitting in a blizzard with his mother. This will pass I know. But there is much to think about. I realize that he has left a lot of people in the dark and I saw a new step of how to improve my character and how to make it so that there is no room to ever question my integrity. This is good..this will be good. We'll see this when the steam has drifted.
I really didn't think that I was doing wrong...I intended to protect him and just trusted that I could do this...trying to be independent from him...He's right, I always start out with the purest of motives but for some reason they always come back and bite me in the butt....Lord, show me the way, for crying out loud, I can't take anymore...
Things were going so good between us, I mean we've only talked a couple of times, but things were great...and then this happened...We wont be speaking for a long time...and thats fine, I mean, we haven't talked all summer, so I know I can do this, but it just sucks cuz we really were doing great and I felt like this was really going somewhere....Maybe God is trying to tell me something? ...This weekend will tell I'm sure.
Well, I'm off to pack and rest before I leave tomorrow. I'm not as excited as I was...But I can just add this situation into the others... as if this whole summer and growth were the ingredients to make and mix the cement and tomorrow will be the permanent laying down of the foundation that everything in my life will be built upon!!
Who wouldn't be excited about that? Keep my in prayer, as I will keep you in mine...
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Word Vomit*
"This is the start of something good, don't you agree? I haven't felt like this in so many moons, you know what I mean? We can build through this destruction."
-Gavin DeGraw
The desire for things and relationships that may or may not be in God's will = Dumb!
This entry is just a personal reminder...
I just want a guy that lives a simple life. One that makes time for me. I want a guy that doesn't pretend like I don't exist when I'm not around and doesn't turn into somebody else around other people. The world doesn't have to think he's gorgeous for me to think he is. He doesn't have to be amazing to amaze me.
I want a guy that doesn't think I am weird or crazy. Or maybe just a guy who thinks, if I am crazy, it's what makes me wonderful.
He doesn't have to be tough to make me feel safe. He doesn't have to say much to teach me so many things. I want a guy who is patient, forgiving, sympathetic, selfless, loving and affectionate, considerate, emotional, intelligent, dedicated, level headed and brave.
I want a guy that is honest.
He speaks with his heart. He treats me like he wants to be treated. I want a guy that keeps me in line and also supports me. I want a guy that gives me his hand because it's what he wants to do, not what I want him to do. I want a guy that is hurt when people or events hurt me, but is there to pick me up again all the same. To bring my mind back to the source of all strength worth possessing, back to Christ.
I want a guy that can just be silly with me...a guy that makes me laugh and enjoys doing it.
I want a guy that can write a letter like this and understands I can never be all these things, but also knows I am trusting Christ with every part of my life to shape it all and mold me into who He wants me to be, not who they want me to be. I want those two desires to be the same, Christ's and his. (This is my desire and understanding as well, for him)
The above all thing I want though, is to find an amazing person that will eventually grow to love me enough to make me the number two priority in his life. Number two behind the Lord. I want a deep meaningful relationship that snowballs into the second most wonderful relationship in my life, that is fed and feeds the other - my spiritual walk.
These are of course all secondary to what Christ wants for me and my life. If this isn't for me, then I don't need it. If I'm not supposed to have it for two years, five years, ten years, I don't need it until I am supposed to have it. And if I am never supposed to have it then I don't need it at all.
All I ask is that until then my wants are silenced, replaced with Christ's wants.
This post was borrowed from D.H, but edited by me...
-Gavin DeGraw
The desire for things and relationships that may or may not be in God's will = Dumb!
This entry is just a personal reminder...
I just want a guy that lives a simple life. One that makes time for me. I want a guy that doesn't pretend like I don't exist when I'm not around and doesn't turn into somebody else around other people. The world doesn't have to think he's gorgeous for me to think he is. He doesn't have to be amazing to amaze me.
I want a guy that doesn't think I am weird or crazy. Or maybe just a guy who thinks, if I am crazy, it's what makes me wonderful.
He doesn't have to be tough to make me feel safe. He doesn't have to say much to teach me so many things. I want a guy who is patient, forgiving, sympathetic, selfless, loving and affectionate, considerate, emotional, intelligent, dedicated, level headed and brave.
I want a guy that is honest.
He speaks with his heart. He treats me like he wants to be treated. I want a guy that keeps me in line and also supports me. I want a guy that gives me his hand because it's what he wants to do, not what I want him to do. I want a guy that is hurt when people or events hurt me, but is there to pick me up again all the same. To bring my mind back to the source of all strength worth possessing, back to Christ.
I want a guy that can just be silly with me...a guy that makes me laugh and enjoys doing it.
I want a guy that can write a letter like this and understands I can never be all these things, but also knows I am trusting Christ with every part of my life to shape it all and mold me into who He wants me to be, not who they want me to be. I want those two desires to be the same, Christ's and his. (This is my desire and understanding as well, for him)
The above all thing I want though, is to find an amazing person that will eventually grow to love me enough to make me the number two priority in his life. Number two behind the Lord. I want a deep meaningful relationship that snowballs into the second most wonderful relationship in my life, that is fed and feeds the other - my spiritual walk.
These are of course all secondary to what Christ wants for me and my life. If this isn't for me, then I don't need it. If I'm not supposed to have it for two years, five years, ten years, I don't need it until I am supposed to have it. And if I am never supposed to have it then I don't need it at all.
All I ask is that until then my wants are silenced, replaced with Christ's wants.
This post was borrowed from D.H, but edited by me...
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I've Passed The Ball
"we're so scared to find out what this life's all about. So scared we're going to lose it, not knowing all along that's exactly what we need."
-Matthew Thiessen
I think that I have officially snapped my carrot...
-Matthew Thiessen
I think that I have officially snapped my carrot...
Monday, August 01, 2005
I've Lived With Jesus All Along
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
-Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
Okay, so yes I will admit I've been a blogging fool! Seems like whenever I have a profound thought or experience I must write it down...Its nice though. I've gotten back into writing. I missed it...I really enjoy writing down everything that I'm feeling or experienced...I've always expressed myself best that way. Its nice to enjoy something when you've found that you're good at it...
Anywho...last night and today I experienced Jesus first hand! It was crazy..I didn't realize it was Him until just about 5 minutes ago. I just wanted to weep.
Ever since a friend of mine explained how they saw Jesus one day at work, I've been searching for Him. Really, I was looking everywhere I think...and then, I think I kind of just forgot about it.
It started with last night, as I was talking to a good friend from school, and image of Jesus walked into my room. The image placed 50$ on my Bible for my car to be fixed and then placed another 100$ to give to my mother to help with whatever it needed to go to...I was floored and tried to refuse, but they wouldn't accept my refusal. Come to find out, my mother needed EXACTLY 100$ to ger her new van on the road and that 50$ was a little extra than what I needed! I thought that was an awesome answer to prayer and blessing from God. But it didn't stop there...
Then as I was putting away the dishes and cleaning up after dinner tonight, the little girls in my house wanted to cut the tied down balloons from their mother's birthday, make a wish and set them free.
I didn't know it, but I was about to witness Jesus acting again as the mother said they would all need to agree on a wish to set them free...As soon as she caught my attention with that she said, "We should wish that all the children in the world who need a hug today would get one." I was floored.
This may not seem like much to you, but for someone to come out of left field with a comment like that was amazing to me. I actually thought of all the children in the world who do need a hug, who need to be loved. I started to tear up.
I look at my life and see how blessed I have been. I did not grow up well off or have the best of things, but I had a loving family and was blessed enough to be raised in a Christian home. I had it so much better than millions of children. I looked at how this image of Christ has blessed me so many times over. They are putting me through school and have put a roof over my head, food in my stomach, all for nothing in return. Then also to experience how her children do have everything, but yet she teaches them to remember those who are less fortunate. I want to be a mom like that, because to me that is a reflection of how God is a parent.
I am blessed beyond measure, am humbled by this experience and full of gratitude.
I stopped, prayed and thanked the Lord for revealing Himself to me, for letting me live with Him all this time and for granting my prayer of "eyes to see". That wasn't the way I had directed it, but I'm glad thats the way it was granted.
-Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
Okay, so yes I will admit I've been a blogging fool! Seems like whenever I have a profound thought or experience I must write it down...Its nice though. I've gotten back into writing. I missed it...I really enjoy writing down everything that I'm feeling or experienced...I've always expressed myself best that way. Its nice to enjoy something when you've found that you're good at it...
Anywho...last night and today I experienced Jesus first hand! It was crazy..I didn't realize it was Him until just about 5 minutes ago. I just wanted to weep.
Ever since a friend of mine explained how they saw Jesus one day at work, I've been searching for Him. Really, I was looking everywhere I think...and then, I think I kind of just forgot about it.
It started with last night, as I was talking to a good friend from school, and image of Jesus walked into my room. The image placed 50$ on my Bible for my car to be fixed and then placed another 100$ to give to my mother to help with whatever it needed to go to...I was floored and tried to refuse, but they wouldn't accept my refusal. Come to find out, my mother needed EXACTLY 100$ to ger her new van on the road and that 50$ was a little extra than what I needed! I thought that was an awesome answer to prayer and blessing from God. But it didn't stop there...
Then as I was putting away the dishes and cleaning up after dinner tonight, the little girls in my house wanted to cut the tied down balloons from their mother's birthday, make a wish and set them free.
I didn't know it, but I was about to witness Jesus acting again as the mother said they would all need to agree on a wish to set them free...As soon as she caught my attention with that she said, "We should wish that all the children in the world who need a hug today would get one." I was floored.
This may not seem like much to you, but for someone to come out of left field with a comment like that was amazing to me. I actually thought of all the children in the world who do need a hug, who need to be loved. I started to tear up.
I look at my life and see how blessed I have been. I did not grow up well off or have the best of things, but I had a loving family and was blessed enough to be raised in a Christian home. I had it so much better than millions of children. I looked at how this image of Christ has blessed me so many times over. They are putting me through school and have put a roof over my head, food in my stomach, all for nothing in return. Then also to experience how her children do have everything, but yet she teaches them to remember those who are less fortunate. I want to be a mom like that, because to me that is a reflection of how God is a parent.
I am blessed beyond measure, am humbled by this experience and full of gratitude.
I stopped, prayed and thanked the Lord for revealing Himself to me, for letting me live with Him all this time and for granting my prayer of "eyes to see". That wasn't the way I had directed it, but I'm glad thats the way it was granted.
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