Breaking Away

"I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change And break away."
-Kelly Clarkson

This is what I am going to do :)

I'm leaving tomorrow to go to my favorite spot on this earth! ...Nubble Lighthouse. I'm staying in a nice B&B and am going to spend my time consumed in God. This is the plan atleast...

After tonight, I definitely have some stuff to bring to the table...I do not fear though. I know that someone I care for is upset and my heart litterally hurts. I think once they calm down, they will realize nothing was meant to hurt anyone. I have nothing to hide and never did. All I am trying to be is honest and that's what I will continue to be.

But my talk with his parents went fairly well I guess. Its great to receive such warmth and love from his father, but hurts so when I feel like I'm sitting in a blizzard with his mother. This will pass I know. But there is much to think about. I realize that he has left a lot of people in the dark and I saw a new step of how to improve my character and how to make it so that there is no room to ever question my integrity. This is good..this will be good. We'll see this when the steam has drifted.

I really didn't think that I was doing wrong...I intended to protect him and just trusted that I could do this...trying to be independent from him...He's right, I always start out with the purest of motives but for some reason they always come back and bite me in the butt....Lord, show me the way, for crying out loud, I can't take anymore...

Things were going so good between us, I mean we've only talked a couple of times, but things were great...and then this happened...We wont be speaking for a long time...and thats fine, I mean, we haven't talked all summer, so I know I can do this, but it just sucks cuz we really were doing great and I felt like this was really going somewhere....Maybe God is trying to tell me something? ...This weekend will tell I'm sure.

Well, I'm off to pack and rest before I leave tomorrow. I'm not as excited as I was...But I can just add this situation into the others... as if this whole summer and growth were the ingredients to make and mix the cement and tomorrow will be the permanent laying down of the foundation that everything in my life will be built upon!!

Who wouldn't be excited about that? Keep my in prayer, as I will keep you in mine...