Momentary Lapse

"When everything inside me looks like everything I hate, You are the hope I have for change. You are the only chance I'll take..." -Switchfoot

So I tried to put on this icon, but it wouldn't work, like everything else in my flippin' life...

DANG IT!!

I'm also freaking out, cuz this is my last paycheck before I go back to school, but I have less money than I thought and I don't know if I'm going to be able to have enough to make it to school and also buy books and live off of it until the end of September and pay my bills also...FOR THE LOVE!...I'm so stressed about going back, at times I don't want to...I just want things to be better and I don't want things to be like they were last semester..I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN!!...I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery...I don't need the stress...I just don't need to have my faults pointed out all the time, I know I made mistakes and I've done horrible things, but I don't need to feel everyday that I'm a horrible person and a failure..I'm trying so hard and it hurts so much to not be encouraged or comforted, especially by those you care most for...Crying seems to help...

...okay...I'm done with my self-pitty party..back to sucking it up, having a backbone and moving on with life...yes, good good...My heart is back to stone and no more tears will be shed, or atleast be mentioned of...I will try my hardest not show that weakness anymore...I know this will pass after a few days..it always does around this time of month and then I'll be back to my happy self again..Time to be grown up...yes yes, on with life I go...

Lord, lead the way and keep my focus directly and entirely on you...help me to focus on my studies and to be a woman of my word and a child of the Light...no distractions please. I don't want to hinder anyone either, build up your strength within me, for I can not rely on my own. Ease my worries I pray and help me to catch glimpses of the big picture and remember that I can not see it all, but You can!

I feel better already :D