Finding Strength in My Weakness

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him and his hand." Psalm 37: 23-24

There has been so much scripture that I have found to apply to how I've been feeling, how I've been seeming to fail, although they all have been encouraging, this one is the most to me.

I truly want to walk in the Lord's ways. He is the only thing that I want to focus on and follow. In Matthew 7:24-25 it talks about building a house on the rock of firm foundation. The house is able to weather every storm brought its way, because it was continuously standing on the rock. With the rock as a foundation, it is not able to be torn down.

I want to be the house that is built on the foundation of solid ground. I want everything I have and want to be built on the foundation of the Lord, whom is my personal rock. I do not want to do anything that would weaken that.

It has been hard for me to deal with me feeling like a failure. This is especially hard when I know how my true heart is, what I really want in the long run, and then I go and become weak to temptation. I have been overestimating my own strength and underestimating God's. That hurts so much. Seeing how hurt I am myself, I can't even begin to imagine how much I am hurting God when I become weak, or even how I'm hurting others in my weakness. As much as it doesn't seem to be even close to enough, I am so sorry, from the deepest part of my soul.

I am so unworthy of all the blessing that God has been giving me. Even in this time of hardship, He is giving me blessings, answering my prayers. He has been giving me strength when this has been a VERY trying day. I pray so hard that God, You will sustain me through every trial I face and You will continually make me conscious of the way out You have provided.

Seeing the blessing that He has given me through this horrible day I keep remembering the great blessings He has given me when I've been obedient. That is what I want, not because I would be receiving something, but I want to be obedient to God, I want to please Him and make Him proud of me.

As obvious as it is that I am weak, I am trying and will be trying with all that I am to be so obedient and strong. I want the bigger picture and greatness more than anything. I want to be pleasing to God, I want to honor Him. All this stuff that has been going on isn't worth giving the big picture up and as hard as I will struggle, I will do all that I can to prove that I can handle this and that I want to follow God's will and be pleasing to Him more than anything. I can't do this on my own. It is only through the power of Christ that I am able to.

So, I am putting this behind me. I am moving on and taking the next step that God has placed in front of me, so that I may go where He wants me to be. He will be my focus in it all. That is my true heart's desire.