"Life never asks you what you want. It's just gonna have its way...Sometimes it doesn't give like it takes" -Jessica Simpson
I am sorry to say that I just can't seem to find anything with meaning behind it to write about anymore...This isn't exactly pleasing...I've tried to think about it, I've been reflecting time to time about what I'm doing with my life and I came up with this: ....A whole lot of nothing!
I can't let this effect me anymore...I can't. I'm wasting away my life sitting here feeling numb. I see this needs to change, but guess what I'm doing at this moment? Exactly what I shouldn't be...
I keep thinking about stuff in my head, trying to find a thought that would give me some feeling, but I can't find it...I actually find myself searching for something to be mad about, or sad about or happy about, but I can't find anything that is actually worth feeling these things over...
This stage of transition has left me so disengaged from relationships...I think its because I don't ever want to enter one again where I would have to do this...I don't want to have to censor certain parts of me that make me who I am...
I see us drifting so far apart, and I know I'm trying to grab onto something, trying to somehow keep parts of considerable content swept in a corner for safe keeping, but its being searched out and ripped away...
I've been told that there needs to be more cutting off, yet I don't see how there is anything left? All it has done is left me confused and I feel the tension between us. It is so strong and negative. I don't like it...
Regardless of how this hurts now, someday we'll move on, it will be a new season for each of us...The only thing that we can expect from this is the knowledge that no matter how much it caused pain or made us emotionally frozen, atleast our hearts were guarded... Right?
I pray that we make it through...
uh, I thought it was a girl...haha!
ReplyDeleteaahhhh! i hate how you're feeling, er, not feeling. been there. i really think we all have. it fades. there's hope.i know there is a certain situation that consumes most of your thoughts and internal attentions, but don't let it. you can't remove thoughts and feelings. you know that. can't just say, i'm going to stop thinking about that, stop feeling that way, i'm gonig to remove this feeling from my stomach or this ache from my heart. but you can redirect it. be faithful to the One who is completely faithful and uncomplicated. try to remain in a spirit of praise and prayer so that not only will your heart be less burdened by your momentary troubles, but your perspective will be rectified.
ReplyDeleteyou're going to make it through okay. i know it. i wish i could give you a hug now.
...and i too like the picture of that skinny guy below. hehe.