Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Rough Night

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." - Psalm 126:5

Why the hell couldn't we just have gotten it right from the beginning?
-This is a question I come across every once in awhile, but tonight its been like a broken record...

If I knew the resulting feelings I would experience, I would probably have never opened my mouth...But because I did, I am here...here feeling like crap.

There has got to be something wrong with this...Why am I sitting alone watching movies?
Why am I eating Raisinets and have a candy bar waiting for me in my room, after I already ate Ice cream and pie and had 4 pieces of cheesecake within the past 24 hours and who knows what else? ....This is not okay, but its like it's the only thing I can bring myself to do... Looks like this is a "sweet bill"...

I'm so alone, yet I don't want to be around anyone...I just want to be held, yet I don't want to be vulnerable...

Lord, I don't know why I'm here, but I am and You've let it be...a little explanation would be well received...I need to see the big picture, open my eyes...

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