Shattered

What is this thing I'm feeling inside?
It's so gloomy and so cold.
My mind is racing with a million thoughts
and not one of them my grasp can hold...
I've had pictures thought up
and plans set in stone,
but tonight, out of nowhere
I've found that these were never to become my own.
These dreams have been torn
and ripped from these hands
but, somehow I know I'm learning to submit to His plans...

That was the night that my heart shattered into a million pieces... I swear that's what it felt like....

It hurts so so much and as these tears fall from my eyes, I forget about all that I should be doing and am quickly reminded of the things that need to be forgotten...

I never thought that I would have to fight off these thoughts entirely...no, I never did. I always thought it would be a temporary thing and that someday, you'd come to your senses and realize that we truly were made for each other. That when God was knitting me in my mother's womb, He knew He was creating me for you...

I guess I jumped the gun...

And we sit here grieving....................... my heart aches for you.

I wonder if there would be less pain if you had died? Because then I'd know that it was ENTIRELY over, ya know? I wouldn't have to think about you being somewhere in the world without me, loving someone else... But then again, I could never imagine you not being a part of me or I a part of you.

I'm not angry, and I'm not bitter at all and I would never ever hate you... I am just so full of sorrow.

Although you may not have died, I think for a time, my heart has... I'm sorry that I can't stop crying...

But I will try with all of the might that Christ has given me, to remember the good in this. I really will... We will be so good and in the end, with whatever God chooses for each of our paths, we'll be happy...

We can love each other in a way that Christ loves us now...We're becoming selfless, one of the things we both have so desperately wanted...I am thankful for that.

I love you... and I always will.