Triumph Over Trial

"I give You thanks, O Lord, with all my heart; I will sing Your praises...I will give thanks to Your name for Your unfailing love and faithfulness, because Your promises are backed by all the honor of Your name. When I pray You answer me; You encourage me by giving me the strength I need. ..Though the Lord is great, He cares for the humble, but He keeps from the proud. Though I am surrounded by troubles, You will preserve me...The Lord will work out his plan for my life-
For Your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
- Psalm 138: 1-3,6-8

Phew, what a day huh?

I spent most of my day running around like a chicken with my head cut off with too many things to do and I started to freak out...I was stressing so bad. I just wanted to be by myself without having to concentrate on anything else but relaxing and gaining peace... Then I went to babysitting...

Babysitting was a nightmare. The boy was a complete turd, he peed everywhere and then the girl started playing with her nasty diaper and then she threw up...all while the mom was still there, I wanted to die...I felt so horrible and then to add this situation on top and the mom being stressed out, I lost it....

After I walked out of the house, I got into the truck and just started crying...I cried all the way home. One thing I did do though which I wouldn't normally do: I talked to God during that drive home. I called out, told Him I needed Him, asked Him to sort out the thoughts running through my head. That was nice to run to Him first. Because I did that and got comfort, I felt afterward that it was okay to seek comfort from friends.

That went okay, but not as well as I had hoped, not as well as it used to. I will be honest in saying that part of the reason why I was crying on the drive home was because of a feeling I'm really not even allowed to verbalize.

The main thing was that I thought I didn't miss this person much, I mean of course I did, but I haven't been devastated and completely falling apart and from what little I have been able to gather, this seems like a cake walk for them, so I thought maybe it wasn't a big deal, but during the drive it totally sideswiped me and I thought...
"Hello, McFly, OF COURSE YOU MISS THEM." I miss my friend a lot, a whole lot and I didn't realize how much it has hurt that I can't express that, but as much as it hurts, I understand why...
so that added on to my emotional spat..but this was a different spat and a different miss...It was and is a healthy type of missing my friend and I know that its okay because of how I handled the situation...

So, later on tonight, other things went down...not some so friendly things...but I went to my room and prayed and brought the situation to God right away...I was completely calm and just talked with Him. I realized that there were some things in that situation I completely should not have done and apologized. I assumed the worst and told God I was prepared to handle that, with His help, if that was what was going to happen. I then immediately apologized to the person I had wronged and they did the same.

God is totally amazing, because if this were a couple of months ago or even a week ago, that never would have happened. We both would have stewed in our rooms and waited for our other friend to force us to sort it out, (which is completely wrong and I am trying to work on that). We would have had complete bitterness in our hearts. I for one can say that even after tonight, I have none whatsoever towards them. I am so thankful that God is working in each of us. It was so great to see how God is molding them and to see the spiritual growth in them tonight. That is so awesome!

So...now I'm here, relaxing and calm, getting out all of the junk of my day and looking forward to another day of working on my relationship with God and finding happiness. I'm excited that I have found how to receive that happiness which is through having true friendship and fellowship with God. That is the only way that I will ever find true peace and that friendship and fellowship is exactly what I am striving to establish.