Sick

That seems to be the word to describe today. I hurt...in more ways than one would care to know. But, this is my page and I don't care who reads it anymore...so therefore, I'll say what I want on it... (okay that was my childlike side coming out, haha)

Yesterday was decent, it was valentines day, which could have been awkward and hurtful and blabiddy blah blah, but it was fine. I babysat all night, but its all good...I do like money :)
There were times when Satan had a decent time making me wonder and think things... but whatever, such is life...

Today kinda sucked...My ear is throbbing and I don't like it. Didn't have time to get my prescriptions today after I saw the doctor, so therefore I'm still hurting :( Trying to get my throat better for Friday, before I have to sing in choir...

The mind: it's such a funny thing. In fact, sometimes I wish I had a different one. At others, I am thankful for my own... I AM SO BITTER at times. For real, its gross.
Whenever I see them together, I want to puke. Seeing her touch him and reach for him multiple times tonight was like punching me in the gut over and over...I think I'm now just starting to catch my breath again...It's so hard to get over that.

I stumbled across some old stuff yesterday...It could have been hard, but it was good. I have evidence of when he and I truly did love each other. From talking our last time, I questioned if we ever had? But now I know for sure. That brings comfort and peace. I cried a little...

Looking back and having evidence of what was once good and then seeing what elements we added to the relationship that messed it up, can be disappointing... I wonder what would have happened if we left those things out?

Oh well, everyone has to learn somehow, yeah?

Yes, when I talked to you today, I missed you. I hate it, because I'll miss you and then 5 minutes later, I forget you existed and I realize I don't miss you anymore. Then I think about it, and I get back here where I'm half-way in between...It's a vicious cycle. I'm glad you don't have this type of thing going on...

Anyway, back to talking to other people and myself...: I think its time to go do homework? I need to change my mind frame and sort through some things...Off to bed early tonight, time to recuperate. I leave you with a good note:
"Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling...Blessed are all who take refuge in Him." -Psalm 2:11&12

Goodnight my wonderful make believe people...