I've been struggling lately with a bunch of different things and I believe that they had begun to take a toll on me...Well, I mean my emotions haven't been so haywire, but I think I've begun to drift back into a numb state of heart and mind...I don't like it there so much.
Because of some of this, I've gotten 2 accountability partners...It is going to be another struggle, but I'm so happy about it...I feel one step, actually two steps, closer to breaking free from this bondage that I've been in...I feel like someday soon, I'll be able to truly breathe.
...I've realized today that I've had some dysfunctional views of things regarding God, or lack there of...I've been so worried for so long and I find it so hard to continually trust Him...
But that is what the sermon in church was about today. Remembering what He has done and knowing that He will bring us through the storms...
I've been so wrong. I've wanted something tangible, something that I could physically feel, to take care of me...Something to subside my fears and to comfort me and I realize that I've been searching for this in a person rather than God...
It's so difficult for me to go to God first. For some reason because I can't literally feel His arms around me, I can't literally hear His voice whispering to calm me down, I search for human comfort and 9.5 times out of 10 am denied, so I'm left feeling more empty than when I began...
This has left my heart so hard at times because I'm searching in the wrong place and I always get let down...But that brings me back to the sermon and something I realized at hall prayer tonight...
I'm so quick to forget all that He has done, all that He has graciously brought me through. I feel horrible for that. I'm so quick to just move on to the next thing that catches my attention and distracts me from Him, all because I can reach for it and see it...I want this to change so badly. I realize now that I'm not going to move on to that next stage I've been dreaming all my life for until Him and I are intertwined with each other. Only then will He take the pain I'm enduring now and show me what it was all meant to be used for...
I see now that Christ is the one... He is my knight and shining armor...
Because of some of this, I've gotten 2 accountability partners...It is going to be another struggle, but I'm so happy about it...I feel one step, actually two steps, closer to breaking free from this bondage that I've been in...I feel like someday soon, I'll be able to truly breathe.
...I've realized today that I've had some dysfunctional views of things regarding God, or lack there of...I've been so worried for so long and I find it so hard to continually trust Him...
But that is what the sermon in church was about today. Remembering what He has done and knowing that He will bring us through the storms...
I've been so wrong. I've wanted something tangible, something that I could physically feel, to take care of me...Something to subside my fears and to comfort me and I realize that I've been searching for this in a person rather than God...
It's so difficult for me to go to God first. For some reason because I can't literally feel His arms around me, I can't literally hear His voice whispering to calm me down, I search for human comfort and 9.5 times out of 10 am denied, so I'm left feeling more empty than when I began...
This has left my heart so hard at times because I'm searching in the wrong place and I always get let down...But that brings me back to the sermon and something I realized at hall prayer tonight...
I'm so quick to forget all that He has done, all that He has graciously brought me through. I feel horrible for that. I'm so quick to just move on to the next thing that catches my attention and distracts me from Him, all because I can reach for it and see it...I want this to change so badly. I realize now that I'm not going to move on to that next stage I've been dreaming all my life for until Him and I are intertwined with each other. Only then will He take the pain I'm enduring now and show me what it was all meant to be used for...
I see now that Christ is the one... He is my knight and shining armor...
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